The burden

I’m thinking about it again. Today I am really pissed they just ignore me when I say anything about arresting {M}. They just act like I didn’t say it. I’m being raped in those videos and two men are perpetrating this crime on video and neither one can be charged.

Is this just how it is? I realized that I may have been expecting too much to have someone do their job. This county and state are not protecting people.

Argh!!!!! This is so fucking frustrating.

Life in general is going okay. I’m back with {S} again for the moment. That is as always subject to change. Life is boring. I guess that’s why I can’t stop thinking about this stuff. Just listened to the audio again.

I want to sit down and watch the videos in order and notate the film minute by minute. There are small things I want them point out to the powers that be. I want to be able to explain why I twisted one way at one point and the exact moment he told me he loved me and why I did things and point out where I did things. Like I actually did like an nfl “time out” gesture repeatedly on one video. Fine ignore the begging and screaming but hand gestures that are clear as day shouldn’t have been ignored.

The thing is I never want to see those videos again. The burden of proof falls solely upon me because no one is willing to investigate any of this. I can put it together but I can’t force people to listen. That’s the part I really hate. Never had the prosecutors but I thought maybe the police but they’re the police and they don’t fucking care.

I am not making friends in this. I’m fighting. I have to go through watching it again, so be it. I have no other choice.