Bad music Friday. We laid in bed that evening at my apartment where we rarely went., but the cleaning lady had just come. We were listening to the worst pop songs I could possibly think of and playing it on the bedroom stereo and drinking. Vodka and pineapple for me and G&T for him.
I left {D} in my bedroom to go make us more drinks. I few moments later he came into the kitchen and told me about his college roommate (again). He was a dance major and had the hottest girlfriend because he “was the only straight male dance major.”
{D} continued to reminisce about hanging out with him, as he had in the past. {D} bragged that he fucksed his roommate's girlfriend, as he had in the past. Then he said something I had never heard “I think I forced her.” He said it as if he was ashamed. He felt remorse and regret for it.
{D} told me three of them had been drinking. The roommate passed out. He tried and had to hold her down a little to fuck her. He followed that with “I don’t think she wanted to.”
Nothing ever came of it. No body said anything to him about it, but he still felt guilty.
I will honestly state that the first thought in my head was “of course you did.” I knew as soon as he said it that he had raped her. However, I comforted him. I said “times were different back then.” I can’t believe I actually said that to make a rapist feel better about raping women. I listened and offered him unconditional forgiveness. I told him he needed to forgive himself. “{D} needs to work on loving {D}” I kept saying.
It’s killing me I can’t remember the roommate’s name because I want to find this woman. If I can figure out who he is I can find out who she is and contact her and talk to her. I’m more compelled to do this than logically thinking through it. Camaraderie perhaps? Altruism to make sure she knows he knew and he has regretted it for four decades? Having another victim and trying to get him charged? I don’t know I just feel like I need to find her.
There is another I wish I could find. {D} had her banned from the building that houses the division of insurance. It was a few years ago he told me about it. My stalker at the time had broken into my car I was debating calling the police because he stole a $250 rechargeable car jump starter. I just happened to have a prescheduled meet up with {D} that night. I was pissed about my car and venting to him. {D} then told me he had once had a stalker he had to have banned from the building at work and the building he lived in. I asked why, and this is the part that creeps me out, he took a sip of his drink as he stared into the distance and he said “some people refuse to take no for an answer.” I didn’t know if he was talking about her or himself. I wish I could get the police to talk to her. They won’t.
I still stand in disbelief that with video and an admittedly psychotic, undeniably severely alcoholic, serial rapist. And I’m crazy. Chicken fucking little up in this particular bitch right here.
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