III Parts, the pied piper, prelude to a rape, and the speculum

Part I: the pied piper

I was once the pied piper I lead the way usually into chaos but it was always a fun ride. I was the person who would do the stupid shit and get others to join along. I was fearless. One time I said something about being afraid of spiders and my friend said “I don’t think you were afraid of anything.”

I miss me. I can’t find my way back to where I was. Maybe it’s because my destiny is being something else. But, I want to be the pied piper. I’ve lead protest in adulthood I created an uprising of the lower classes against the imperialists in 7th grade (prompting my teacher to have a heart attack, literally). I’m creative and competitive and willing to be the voice in silence speaking for what’s right. I also used to play a game where I would put whipped cream in my nose at a restaurant and keep it there until someone said something. I am silly and brilliant and have always been willing to fight the word with one hand tied behind my back.

I really do miss me.

Part II: prelude to a rape

Going dark, sorry I have a lot to get out. When {D} entered the room that night the chaos began. It was just chaos. And not good Katie chaos, just confusing chaos. {D} and {M} had never met and the owned the same 2003 Mercedes SL 55, silver AMG hand crafted dual turbo. They chatted about cars then motorcycles then they talked about how they were both diagnosed psychopaths. Fun times talking about childhood psychosis. Then, and this is the part that bothered me. {M} said he might have a mother and daughter who would fuck together. {D} excitedly said “I want in that.” Guy talk about psychosis and incest and cars. That’s how the night started.

Part III: the speculum

I don’t know how far in we were to the events of the evening but {D} put his hands in me and spread my vagina open. It was painful but the part that bothered me most was when {D} said “This is what we call the speculum” and held my vagina wide open so you could see inside me. The other guys ran over to stare. I know for a fact {M} was recording video. He has since told me he deleted it. Being exposed like that with gawkers in awe of looking inside your body is a feeling I can’t explain. They were laughing and saying how awesome it was and I felt more exposed than I would have walking down a busy street naked. I can’t describe the feeling. Just I don’t know what to say now. Just.. just…