Friends ‘Til the End

I thought about my last blog post and I think I need to explain the post apocalyptic relationship between {D} and myself. {D} called the email the apocalypse. After that point everything is referred to a post apocalyptic. We had a weird friendly but occasionally yelling but sometimes watching football and talking politics (our communal favorite pastimes). All of this via text message because neither of us wanted to say a word that would be left to memory because of legal purposes.  Ahh, the joy of lawyers  

I think it was the disengagement from each other. I don't know we saw each other every single day. I spent 5 nights a week at his house and woke up there on the two I didn't. We were just always together. I don't think either of us ate unless we cooked together. In hindsight I guess it was weirdly codependent. 

The other possible explanation for it was that we were both lonely and still reeling from the explosion that just happened in our lives. We were who the other talked to. He was my best friend. I know at one point he had no one else. He texted me because his mom was in the hospital. He just needed someone. 

Then there is the aspect of the colossal mind fuck we were doing to each other. He would lie then I would lie then we would get into an argument and he wouldn't even explain the break of the relationship let alone the rape other than to tell me no one believed me over and over. I would give him weird nuggets of information because I wanted to see what came back around to me. Just strange little things. 

it was always weird. He was weirdly jealous of the men in my life, one in particular, a card dealer from fucking Jersey. He would go off. I would turn the knife. Then I would ask him why he was so jealous. We were just mean to each other mostly. But, we needed each other. I wasn't sure what we needed but I was afraid he would drink himself to death and he was afraid I would commit suicide.

{D}had actually threatened me with murder suicide several times while we were dating, to the point he would get out of the bed and go towards the guns. And people wonder why I stayed with him after the rapes, he was actually threatening to kill me on a regular basis and had the means to do so. Just saying, I make poor life choices. It was laughable the first time he did it because he also asked me to move in with him. I texted the next morning to tell him he threatened me but then I asked if he was serious about me moving in with him. Again,  poor life choices. He wasn't serious about the moving in part. He didn't kill me after the email was sent, so I assume he wasn't serious about that either. Though, I will wait until we see what happened a with the disbarment before I say that with 100% confidence. 

I digress. We were seemingly all the other one had at the time and we hated each other but we still cared about each other. It was fucking weird. And I was trying to get him arrested the whole fucking time. And he was trying to gaslight me the whole fucking time. It was toxic, but it appears that was all we had.

i finally broke after the Wolfson thing. Steve Wolfson broke me, like broke. And I found my balls. This was the text that was the beginning of the end of the conversation. The actual end involved me telling him he wasn't mechanically inclined and to never work on his bike again alone and him telling me I was nothing more than a mistress. I also may have said some other horrendous things, but this text was the beginning of the end. 

Just fyi if you didn’t notice I sent you a countdown clock. Twenty years. That’s how long the statute of limitations is for rape in Nevada. That won’t be until you are 78.

Next DA election is ‘26. But frankly, 20 years? There will be a new DA eventually. Especially if the GOP uses the videos (plural) and that cute picture when I was a Christian school teacher of me and the second coming of either Christ or Reagan or possibly satan aka president trump. Have you any idea how determined I must be to play for that team?

I’m not fucking doing this out of reataliation. What I am doing at this point is seeking justice. May not get it, but I need something to make you at least see what you did was not okay.

You fucking raped me repeatedly and then bragged about it on video, champ. Nobody else is ever going to do that to me again. And if I had my way you weren’t going to have the opportunity to do that to anyone else.

Your cell mate, Big Bubba? When he inevitably raped your virgin asshole,  he would tell you just relax it makes it go in easier. Just shut up, don’t be stupid. You know you want it, everyone knows that. You’ll let him do it and you’ll love it, champ.

I’ll just keep coming back until I’m dead.

You never realized at any point what a fighter I am. You never respected the fact that I have way fucking more fight in me than you ever did. I ain’t in the ring, champ. This is real life and I have fought worse. You don’t know how to fight in this ring.

I’ve been through hell and I’ve just kept fighting. You wouldn’t have any idea as to who I used to be, but that’s the bitch that will walk up to anyone fucking with my family and throw hands. I don’t back the fuck down. I square up and I can take a punch literally and figuratively, just ask my ex husband who, I strangely went home with. I actually stayed married another 7 years or so after he broke my eye socket AND had another baby with him. I love the screen shot of you telling me I don’t know how to fight. Physically? I’ll take you. I seriously believed that you were some fucking bad ass. You peaked. Now you’re just some drunk with a used E class who is drinking himself to death watching tv in your underwear. you’re no bad ass, but can I tell you a secret? I am a bad ass. I’ve lost myself over the last 6 years since the Brian 2 event. Thank you for making me snap out of it after years. My badass is coming back.

20 years is a long damn time. You’ll have to wait to see if you get arrested that day. 7000+ days of looking over your shoulder. Waking up every single morning wondering if today is the day the police show up.

See you didn’t know who I was, champ. I love and I work on my relationships. I am kind and gentle and sweet. But I’ll bite you harder than a fucking orca with a shark. You may know that part now.